Daunting Decisions and a Visit to Mafia Territory

As many of you know, or may have been able to decipher from my blog entries, though I have been busy having a wonderful experience in my current site, completing projects such as the world and El Salvador maps in our Centro Escolar and efficient stoves with our women’s group, my work hasn’t been focused in my program area of Agricultural Business. Being the goal and results oriented (some may say OCD, anal retentive) person that I am, fulfilling my role as an Agricultural Business Volunteer and meeting my programmatic goals, not to mention my own expectations of myself (however outlandish they may be), are extremely important to me. So, after much contemplation, self-reflection, conversations with peers, and guidance from my bosses, I have made the very difficult choice to relocate to another site within El Salvador.

Daunting Decisions

Peace Corps service is all about peaks and troughs, successes and failures, acting upon the needs of your community, beyond the realm of your program area, and definitely beyond the realm of your expertise. Believe me, I realize this fully: the highs of having people enthusiastically show up to your meetings, the lows of heartbreak when your girls’ soccer team tells you they would rather not play, the joys of the relationships with those who have welcomed you into their community, and the sobering realization that the work you are engaging in is in no way related to what you’re “supposed” to be doing.

The work I am charged with and privileged to have is being one of the first three Agricultural Business volunteers of Peace Corps El Salvador. The realm of agricultural business is having a growing importance in the development of El Salvador, especially as the country begins to progress through the steps of the development, transitioning from subsistence farming to income generating cash cropping and beyond. My fellow ag business volunteers’ and my responsibilities are to support our counterpart farmers and communities as they transition into the business aspect of agriculture, as well as to develop trainings and resource materials for fellow volunteers to use in their communities. I have been able to put forth my best effort in creating resource guides and trainings for my fellow volunteers, but I have been unsuccessful in applying these techniques at my own site.

As I mentioned before, there are specific steps on the path to development. In relation to agriculture, in order to transition from subsistence farming (beans and corn here in El Salvador) to income generation, any given farmer must improve his farming techniques in order to produce a surplus crop, beyond what is needed to feed himself and his family, which can later be sold in the market. The profits from the sale can then be used to invest in planting new crops, beyond the beans and corn, to crops like tomatoes, cucumber and peppers, to name a few.

In my current community, farmers are exclusively planting beans and corn to feed their families and have very little surplus for sale. There is no farmland at their disposal that can be used to plant a cash crop. The risk of planting a cash crop, with the increased input costs and potential of failing, is far too high for the average subsistence farmer; they need to be sure they and their families can eat in the coming year. As you know, I am not an agronomist; I am a nerd with an economics degree. Need help doing a cost benefit analysis, I’m your girl, but when it comes to soil and seed science and increasing crop yields, I can’t tell a seed from the hole in the ground in which I’m supposed to plant it.

In addition to my misaligned work initiatives, the interest of my community members in new techniques and projects is stagnant at best. When it comes to sitting and chatting over some Salva Cola, my community members are always down. But, beginning projects and sustaining interest can be like pulling teeth. Sure, I am the first volunteer in site, and I realize being the first is all about encouraging your community to get excited about potential positive change. I did what I thought was best to pump the community up, but apparently it wasn’t enough. I was ramming my head against a brick wall, especially in terms of ag business.

So, about half way through the month of February, I became more and more aware of my dissatisfaction with my work. Surely I was occupying my time and participating in my community, but it was not the work I came to El Salvador to do. I was using the skills I had developed as a swim lesson instructor to participate with the kids. I was not using the knowledge and skills I gained from my very expensive college degree (thanks, Mom and Dad for footing the bill on that one) and internship experience in Ecuador. I was growing increasingly frustrated, I felt like I was being a bad volunteer, and even my friends noticed a difference in my disposition. I was unfulfilled with my level, quantity and area of work.

For a while, I tried to muscle through. This is Peace Corps, not a cakewalk. Sure, we have specific program areas, but we all know we dabble in every program. Finally, though, my better judgment kicked in and I sought advice: advice from my fellow PCVs, my APCD, and other PC staff, (not to mention the awesome support of my Mom and Dad who always get the brunt of it). In the end, I realized it’s supposed to be hard, but it’s not supposed to be this hard. Yes, we have to push, but we shouldn’t be the ones doing all the heaving. We are the catalyst, not the entire chemical reaction. (That one was for you, Peter. That’s about all I remember from chemistry.)

After my initial conversation with my APCD, Rolando, who was nothing but supportive, it was decided I would give it another go in my community for one more month, just to make sure this really wasn’t just a temporary funk and we weren’t making any rash decisions. But, by the end of my month trial period, things hadn’t changed much. My relationships with people were great, my agricultural business projects continued to be non-existent, and exploring the possibility of a site change was necessary.

It’s hard to make that decision: that you’re going to leave your site for a new one. First of all, I have invested over six months into this site. I’ve made friends and have integrated into a family. I don’t want to leave these people and I don’t want to go through the stress of relocating, reestablishing myself and making friends all over again. And, more strongly than any other worry, I didn’t want to feel like I failed. The questions that ran through my head were: am I really so weak I can’t stick it out? Why aren’t I trying harder? What am I doing wrong? In the end though, my strength and determination, had nothing to do with it. Based on the needs of my community and my abilities, we were a wrong fit from the start. I am a dedicated, determined and intense worker. I am far happier busy than having hammock time. I need to be working with a community or organization that needs help in my realm of expertise. But, as far as people and relationships go, my community is wonderful. I love my little girls, find my little boys hilarious, and don’t know what I would do without the daily hugs from my Mama Chila. That’s why it was so hard to admit, ok, this isn’t right. We need to make a change.

The decision was finally made towards the end of March, and my boss, Rolando, with the help of my CTS, Carlos, and I are undergoing a site search. This Monday, I will be visiting a potential new site and, primero a Dios, if the work situation is ideal, I will be moving within the week. If, though, for some reason things don’t seem 100% right, we will continue the search for the right site. I’ll be sure to let you know as soon as it happens, so stayed tuned.

You can’t imagine the range of emotions that are involved in a site change. The fear (what if this isn’t the right choice), the sadness (who’s going to hug me before bed every night), the guilt (“I feel like the world is falling on my head now that you are leaving”) and the excitement (Wow! This is what it feels like to be a productive volunteer). I just keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason, this challenge with my first site placement will make me a better volunteer in my new site, and the volunteer who is being sent to replace me in September, a male (there is an extreme amount of machismo) agricultural volunteer, will be better able to serve the community. I have no other choice but to chalk it up to experience, strap on my Chaco’s, and continue forward.

A Visit to Mafia Territory

Here in El Salvador, there are over 140 Peace Corps volunteers serving nationwide. We are divided into three main regions: western, central and eastern. Currently, I am a member of the West is Best Crew, though I may soon be sadly departing, which encompasses the departments of Santa Ana, Ahuachapan and Sonsonate (sometimes affectionately called Cincinnati). Though our numbers are strong, we are far outnumbered by the quantity of volunteers out east. In the Eastern Region, the strongest showing of volunteers, and by far the strongest regional pride, resides in the department of Morazan. This posse of volunteers is known by all as none other than the Morazan Mafia. They are incredibly united, exceptionally proud, meet regularly, and even have Mafia swag.

Because I am undergoing a site change, and have recently wrapped up the body of work I was engaged in at my current site, my boss gave me permission to travel to visit my friend and fellow ag business volunteer, Brock, to see what his service is like since his site change three months prior (in addition to a series of murders, his site wasn’t conducive to our area of work, either). In identifying my new site, we are working closely with a few partnering organizations of Brock’s, including the UN’s World Food Program. The UN’s World Food Program is striving toward global food security, and here in El Salvador works with cooperatives, like Brock’s, to improve farming practices, business opportunities in order to guarantee sustenance for all.

Just because El Salvador is slightly smaller than the state of Massachusetts, that doesn’t mean that getting from place to place is quick. Sure, my Mom, Dad and Sister can drive from Buffalo to Boston to move Dana for the 47^th time in three years, complete with pit stop, in about seven and a half hours, but for me to get into Mafia Territory, I need to travel for over eight hours. My journey started at 7:50AM on my community’s bus to our municipality: 45 minutes. From there, I took the next available bus into the capital of my department, Santa Ana: 20 minutes. Once in Santa Ana, I waited about thirty minutes for the soonest bus to the capital: 1 hour and 20 minutes. From the Western Bus Terminal, I needed to cross town to the Eastern Bus Terminal: 40 minutes. At the Eastern Terminal I was lucky enough to catch the directo bus to San Francisco Gotera, all the way in Morazan: 2 hours and 45 minutes. The last leg of the trip, por fin: 1 hour and 15 minutes.

Though I was pretty exhausted from travel and sitting all day, my feelings of fatigue quickly subsided once Brock began showing me around his pueblo. I’m not quite sure how to describe it, but it had a great feel. From the very clean central park, to Brock’s adorable 91-year-old neighbors, this site was great. The next day, we went to visit Brock’s cooperative, and I had the opportunity to sit in on a few meetings, including one with the cooperative’s consultant, hired by the World Food Program. The consultant did a complete survey of the cooperative including diagnostic tests to see where its strengths and weaknesses lay. From this survey, the consultant, hand in hand with the directive of the cooperative and Brock, have begun to write several plans of actions. It is Brock’s job to help execute these plans, improving the cooperative, and most specifically, improving its profit making operations.

Based on my observations of the work that Brock is doing, I became more and more excited about my own site change. These are the types of things we should be doing as ag business volunteers: really engaging in and assisting in agricultural business practices. From this visit, I was more than reassured that the huge change I am about to undertake is in fact the right one. I am certain.

In addition to the work end of my visit to Morazan, I also headed east to participate in this month’s PC soccer game. Luckily for me, the soccer game happened to be in Brock’s site, though he wasn’t the host. David, another PCV, was hosting the game on literally his last day of service. We played on Friday and he left the country on Saturday, officially an RPCV. Because Morazan is pretty far away, our PCV showing wasn’t as strong as in some more central locations, but we still had some gringo power. As usual, the women played first, in the peak of midday heat at 12:30PM. Because we didn’t have enough gringas, we had to borrow a few players from the other team. I started out at center midfield, and to say the least I ran my butt off. These girls were a little more physical than the last team we played, and I found myself rolling on the ground more than once after being taken out by a 15-year-old girl half my size. But, in the end, a little bruised, a little bloodied and drenched in sweat, we were victorious. The men’s team tied.

Pues, that’s about all that’s new and exciting here. Be sure to check back soon. I hope I will be able to tell you all about my new site in my next update!

Of course, I miss you all very much. Please hold off on the mail for a while until I get my new address. Until then, emails are very much so appreciated!